I Need to Remember This

Sometimes I forget.  This reminds me.

When I Get Some Free Time to Read...

...I know I can find helpful encouragement here.  I'm looking forward to that free time.  :)

Nearly Five Years Ago

While going through some old emails today, I discovered some written nearly five years ago by my sister-in-law and my brother.  They caught my attention as I read them today because they concerned my mother's progression into Alzheimer's.  Five years has made a big difference, with small, day-by-day changes that are not always noticed.  And then suddenly, you read an email from five years ago and realize just how much has been lost in those years.  Sobering.


Here are some excerpts from the emails.


My sister-in-law wrote on November 12, 2007, after my parents had visited them...
I have to tell you though, you know how Dad is always worrying about Mom having Alzheimer's?  Well, I noticed BIG TIME that she was telling me the same stories literally over and over and over again.  She must have told us at least half a dozen times that the new roof cost 13K and made Dad tell us over and over, and you could tell it greatly pained him.  And, she told me the same story about your sister several times... and this is after we had had discussion at great length about the subject.  Then, she turned around only a few short hours later and proceded to have the exact same discussion with me with the same gusto as she did the first time around and I could tell she had no idea we had talked about it before.  I think this is the first weekend that I have ever really sat up and said... "hmmmm.... maybe there is something to what Dad is worried about!"  I didn't say anything to her, of course, because I didn't want her to be upset or anything.  Maybe it was so shocking to me because we don't see her all the time.  Have you noticed her forgetfulness being more prevalent?


In response, I wrote this...

About Mom's memory...throughout the past 4 years, ever since they visited us in Israel in the fall of 2003, I have had moments here and there of being shocked by her memory loss.  That visit to us in Israel was the first big time when I could hardly believe how much she had gone downhill, and of course I shed tears and was quite emotional about it (only with my husband--not with Mom or Dad).  Since we've moved here, for the most part, I have felt like she's actually doing fine--holding steady with her memory--not improving, but not losing it too fast.  I hardly know whether it's safe to say that I've noticed her losing it a lot more recently or not.  What I do realize is that she definitely has memory problems.  But so do a lot of other older women I know...and honestly, so does Dad.  I can't even count how many times he has told me the same story, and I stand there patiently but internally think, "I know this, Dad.  I've heard it half a dozen times already!"  :)

 

With that said, I can completely understand how she may have come across to you.  I know she repeats herself A LOT.  And I know that she compensates for her lack of memory by writing EVERYTHING down.  When she's at my house and I want her to remember something until she gets down to her house, I've learned that I have to pull out a piece of paper and write it down for her, or she will forget it.  I guess that's become second nature for me to do that with her.  And really, it's probably become second nature for me to hear her tell the same things over and over...and maybe even tune that out a little.  Or sometimes I can stop her and say, "Yeah, you told me about that!" and deflect the conversation that way.

 

I guess what I come back to is that Mom and Dad are doing all they can to help maintain her memory--and they've done that for years.  There's really nothing else to do at this point to help her.  But as I stare into the future, I am fairly certain that eventually her memory will get much worse and we'll travel down that hard path with her.  Whenever Dad brings it up with me, I try to reassure him that God knows the path that is laid out for her, and we are here to help, etc.  What else is there to say?

 

Anyway, I really appreciate your input because you have a different perspective since you don't see her all the time.  Like I said before, there are times when I do what you did and sit up and take notice of the fact that there really is a memory problem.  But most of the time, we just adapt and live with it.

 

Oh, another thing...I find myself being protective with her in new or different situations.  For example, if we're in a restaurant that is a little unfamiliar or if we're sitting in a place that's not visible from the bathroom, I'll often go with her to the bathroom to make sure that she can find her way back to our table again.  I obviously don't tell her that I'm doing that!  :)  And most of the time, she probably doesn't even need that.  But I do find myself watching out for her in different ways and being protective.  When we're in conversation with other people, I try to jump in --sensitively--to help her when she forgets what she wants to say.  Anyway...it's an interesting journey!

And then my brother wrote this...

Thanks for taking such good care of Mom and Dad.  My wife and I really appreciate it.  At some time, there probably will be a time when we will need to pitch in a little more with the care.  It will be tough from a distance, but we'll do as much as we can. 

A few days later, my sister-in-law added this to the conversation...

We cannot tell you enough how THANKFUL we are that you are right there to help out Mom & Dad.  We'll just all have to go on knowing that both she and her memory are in God's hands!

Yes.  That's all we can do.  Even though those words were written nearly five years ago, they're still just as true today.  I'm grateful for His strong hands to guide us as we continue this walk into shadows.